Sometimes I really should stop & ask for directions.

I am completely overwhelmed.

Work is going well, I'm s.l.o.w.l.y getting through the training but there's a lot of pressure (possibly imagined) to get it all done & it's freaking me out a bit. I have to talk to my boss on Monday about that - I don't know what her time expectation is for me getting through all this stuff. The other gal that's in training with me (and is much younger) is a lot faster than I am & I'm concerned that TB (the boss, a bit of a type-A perfectionist) is impatient with me. But I don't know how much of that is my 40-year-old-been-a-homemaker-for-7-years-intimidated-by-a-19-year-old-mind & how much is reality.

She's really not intimidating, it's more of the stereotype of the old lady can't keep up with the fresh young blood than anything else. I actually quite enjoy working with her, she's very nice & seems quite mature for a 19 year old girl. When she talked of graduating last year I assumed college, she looks a lot older than she is but silly me, it was only HS.

I'm feeling dated despite the fact that TB is a little older than me & the assistant manager is nearing retirement age. (Dangnabbed 19 year olds!)

None of this is what's overwhelming me though. No, that would be my family.

Every day this past week I've gotten overwhelmed by my kids within about 2 minutes of getting home. I assumed that on the weekend I would feel better but so far this is not the case. And this week was not even a normal work week, we had the holiday off!

Chris has been great, he's totally taken on the housework & cooking & the house is cleaner than it would be if I had been the one home. But I'm not sure this is helping me either.

The kitchen has been my domain for years but now I'm finding things in the wrong places & my routines are no longer in place. I kinda feel like a stranger in my own home. Now, I'm the first to admit I'm a tad anal about where the dishes go & things like that. I like things where I like them, what can I say? But when I showed him how I put the bowls away, round bowls in one stack & square bowls in another (completely logical, right?) he said "well you're not putting away the dishes anymore are you."

Ouch.

I've never been a fan of doing the dishes. I've been known, at times, to put them off & end up with a nasty stinky mess in the sink & all over the counter but that was MY job in MY kitchen & I'm not sure I want to give it up! Now Chris is doing the dishes, the menu planning, the shopping & the rest of MY job & I don't like it one bit. (There I said it, harrumph!)

Then there's the kids. Now, I love my kids but those of you who are familiar with my blog know that I've been challenged by them from time to time. (yes I know, the understatement of the year, young as it is...) Everyone assumed (and by everyone I mean Chris, my mom, my sisters & my BFF) that when I got back to work, out in the real world & interacting with adults again, things would get easier for me at home. Hell, I bought into it too but so far it's not been the case! I don't like to leave them in the morning & I'm happy to see them when I get home but I can only handle so much. I like to snuggle quietly with one or two, read books to them & watch them play but if things get loud (as they are 95% of the time) or more than one tries to talk to me at a time (another 95%) I simply can't handle it & they must get away from me NOW before I blow my stack. (and when I say blow I mean Mt St Helen's style.)

I don't want to hurt the kids or make them feel like Mom doesn't like spending time with them but my kids are loud, raucous and always fighting to be the one heard first & I start to panic. All weekend I've been shooing them away from me, trying to do it nicely but a lot of the time they won't listen & I have to raise it up a notch to get movement & they get their feelings hurt.

Then Chris hears me beginning to loose it & comes to my rescue & I feel guilty, or worse, he comes to the kids rescue & I feel resentful & arguing ensues.

Could someone please tell me who I am, how I fit into this dang family & where I can find my sanity? Pretty please??

Wha???

What happened to blogrolling? I was trying to read some blogs but my blogrolls are gone & their site won't pull up - boohoo.
Figures, I have time to read blogs for the first time in over a month but I can't get to any of them. Girrrrr!

~~

So what's new in the Michels household?
Notsomuch really.
Chris is back to work after more than a week off. We are anxiously awaiting next week when we'll have a normal paycheck again...as are our creditors & utilities (a'hem) =)
The kids are still loving school. Sam is doing very well, much better than last year. I won't ever regret keeping him in kindergarten, so far he's really blossomed.
The twins adore everything about their class & teacher. She can do no wrong in their eyes (unlike dumb'ole mom ya know) & have fitted right in. Even Eli, my rambunctious terror has been following the rules. Well until yesterday, that is. Seems he tackled a kid & bonked his head on the floor. He got a time out for that but truly I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier...like on the first day! But they made up & all is well. Good thing he's so dang cute!
I'm trying to adjust to the new season. Seems like 2 weeks ago we were in the 90's & now it hardly gets over 65. We keep the house pretty cold to try & save money so I'm in long johns, sweats, t shirt, mock neck, sweatshirt & 2 pairs of socks. I do ok in the morning when the heater is on frequently but in the afternoons I do nothing but shiver. I try to remember my summertime mantra; I'd rather be too cold than too hot, it's easier to warm up than cool down. But it's hard to remember that when your thermostat is set at 63! Really though I do love fall. All the leaves, the crisp air on sunny days & wintertime just around the corner. Much welcomed after the sweltering heat of summer.

~~

It feels good to be writing again. I've missed it (and you!) as an outlet - cheap therapy is always welcomed around here.
I hope to be visiting you all soon, if blogrolling & time will allow it =)

Who?

I found this over on My Little Corner of the World, who got it from Diary of a Stay at Home Mom & I thought I'd join in the fun.

1. Who is your man? My fabulous hubby Chris that I love sooooooo much.
2. How long have you been together? We met almost 11 years ago & have been married for 10.
3. How long did you date before you got married? 5 months.
4. How old is your man? 33.
5. Who eats more? Usually Chris.
6. Who said "I love you" first? Chris.
7. Who is taller? Chris by 3 inches.
8. Who sings better? Me - he's not got a horrible voice or anything but sometimes he makes me wince cos he's so off key. (Sorry honey, I love you but it's true.)
9. Who is smarter? Useless knowledge - Chris. Practical common sense - me...but don't ask Chris what his opinion is :)
10. Whose temper is worse? Oh mine by far!
11. Who does the laundry? Mostly me.
12. Who takes out the garbage? Mostly me but I try hard to get him to do it.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me.
14. Who pays the bills? Right now Chris does it.
15. Who is better with the computer? Chris.
16. Who mows the lawn? Usually Chris but I do part of it sometimes.
17. Who cooks dinner? Mostly me but Chris is a fantastic cook when the mood strikes him.
18. Who drives when you are together? Me but only because he has to drive so far to work & he's sick of it.
19. Who pays when you go out? Whoever has their wallet handy.
20. Who is the most stubborn? That's pretty equal which makes for some dandy fights!
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? We are equally bad at this, I'd say it's about 50/50.
22. Whose parents do you see most? Mine but only cos they live closer & they can visit us a lot. Chris' mom can't travel much & we can't afford to.
23. Who kissed who first? It was kinda mutual but he pulled the "do you want a neck rub?" move on me - totally knew where that was heading!
24. Who asked who out? He drove a very long way to take me out...one of these days I'm gonna blog about how we met.
25. Who proposed? He did.
26. Who is most sensitive? He is e.x.t.r.e.m.e.l.y sensitive & I'm e.x.t.r.e.m.e.l.y sarcastic - not a great combo sometimes!
27. Who has the most friends? Me - definitely me.
28. Who has more siblings? Chris.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? Chris cos he's the head of the family...but I'm the neck that turns the head, woo-hoo!
30. How did you meet? On the internet.

Warning**husband rant in progress**Warning

Ok so Chris is staying with my sister & her family 1 night a week so we can save on gas money. He's at a new jobsite that's just as far away as the last one but this has the advantage of being an 8 hour day & it's close to my sis.

(begin rant)

I get extremely wiped out when I have to do the night routine with the kids so him being out of town is hard on me. Chris called me at 9:30 this morning to tell me they got rained out today & were sent home. He mentioned how it's a good thing he's staying with sis cos if he had to come home it would be a huge waste of money.

Yes that's true but my selfish wifeyness says "dagnabit that sucks!"

K, got over that, but as I was doing homework with Sam tonight my phone rang repeatedly. I was not about to answer cos Sam was actually concentrating (very unusual) so I forged on & pretended I didn't hear anything.

After we got done I checked my phone & I had 437 2 missed calls from Chris. I call him back & he says all sleepy sounding, "Where were you? I called twice."

"Ummm, doing homework with Sam & I'm not going to answer when he's on a roll."

"Oh. Well, I'm totally exhausted so I want to say goodnight to the kids now."

Wha??

I comply like the good wife I am (snicker) and he says an extrememly short good night to the kids.

Now, when he's out of town we always talk right before we go to sleep & read our bible chapter over the phone. Not so tonight.

"Honey? I'm going to say goodnight to you too. I just can't stay awake anymore."

Again, wha??

How the heck is he so tired after hanging out at my sister's all day? I'm here at home, working my fingers to the bone for his children spending meaningful time with our kids, making them waffles with strawberry sauce a highly nutritious, balanced meal for our scream fest nice quiet dinner, and he's tired from sitting around doing nothing?

What-the freak-ever!

(end rant)

I'm SO looking forward to seeing Chris tomorrow night, I've missed him so much!

Love you honey!!

Milestones & memories or Celebrate big time (come on)

On Saturday we had a huge celebration in our home. Well, not really huge, it consisted of Chris, me, the couch & a couple'a movies. We had planned on a much bigger shindig, like going on a train through the Canadian Rockies or just getting away to a B&B for a day or two. But our resources don't allow for any extravagance so we contented ourselves with a cozy night at home, snuggling (a'hem) on the couch.
What, you ask was our reason for celebrating? None other than our first really big marriage milestone...our 10th anniversary!
I can't believe it's been 10 years already, the time goes by so fast! Was it really 10 years ago that we lived in that 430 sq ft apartment in Seattle? That our (now) teenage niece was our cute lil 3 year old flower girl? That we had our first Thanksgiving, Christmas & all those other 'firsts' together?
It's been a great 10 years.
We've weathered a few storms. The miscarriage of our first child. The recovery from an addiction to porn. Chris getting fired (for NO reason, 2 mo after getting a huge raise for doing a great job) and getting through 6 months of no paycheck.
We've had a lot of wonderful times too. Buying our first home. The birth of Sam, our first child. Finding out we were having twins halfway through my second pregnancy (zoinks!)
We've had lots of fights & lots of kisses. Lots of big family celebrations & quiet nights at home. A few vacations & lots of visits.
I have to give some big kudos to my wonderful husband. He is so perfect for me, not always in the ways I want but always in the way God has planned. Chris is so supportive of me, he always brags on me & never talks badly about me to anyone...even when he's mad (oh the guilt - I do it all the time!) He spends lots of time with the kids & steps in when I need him to take over. He is always there for me, loves me no matter what & is 110% committed to our marriage. And the best thing of all? That he always puts God before me. God being the center of our marriage is the reason we are still married after 10 years. And the reason why we will be married for 25, 50 or how ever many years God gives us together.
I love you honey & I'm ready for another 10 years & beyond!
XOXOXXXXX...


By the way, the movies we watched were No Reservations and Elizabeth: The Golden Age both awesome flicks that I recommend.

For which I am feeling guilty

Ok so it's been like for-freakin-ever since I've posted.
Shame. On. Me.
It has been busy in the Michels madhouse lately. Between visiting, t-ball, visitors & husbands-who-hog-the-computer-on-weekends, I have had no chance to write a thing. I've managed to check blogs from time to time but to write? I can't concentrate long enough to get a decent sentence out. (Not that I was good at that anyway...)
So.
What's new with me? Not much. Running around to t-ball practice & games, chasing kids & the dog, dealing with my hubby not getting home until bedtime. Oh, I haven't told you about that? Well I'll just have to fill you in now, won't I?
Chris is working at a new jobsite & its a 2 hour drive (that's one way folks) to work.
Y.u.c.k.
He now gets home just in time to get the kids to bed & then go to sleep himself. The good thing is that he's only working 4 days a week (10 hour days) so we get 3 day weekends. But I really need miss him at dinnertime, those days are v.e.r.y l.o.n.g...
I'm fighting off depression because of it. Not as bad as my usual monthly attack but still hard to deal with. I'm doing great right now but I think that's due to the weekend. We shall see.
We had a GREAT day today. The sun was out, 70+ degrees & we worked/played outside almost the whole day. Tomorrow is supposed to be even warmer & I'm welcoming the change. O'course, next month I'll be groaning about how hot it is but for now, I'm one happy gal.

So I hope y'all had a dandy weekend, I shall blog tomorrow about the momentous occasion that occurred in our household Saturday.
Tootles for now, have a fabulous Monday everyone!!

Oops!

Dag nab it, I forgot to post a list yesterday - girrr!

Today has been a tough day...and it's only 2 pm...not good. I feel like that great children's book, Alexander and his terrible horrible no good very bad day.

So without further ado, my list-o-the-day is;
Reasons this has been a bad day (and what blessings I should have been seeing, but didn't)

1. Not enough sleep. Unfortunately, this is a recurring theme in my life.
Blessing I should see: Having a warm comfy bed to sleep in when so many don't even have a roof over their heads!

2. Waking up to my kids jumping (literally) on my bed & crashing onto me. Ok so I heard them come in but I wasn't expecting the great crash - omph!
Blessing I should see: That I didn't get hurt in the great crash. And I spoze I should be happy that none of the kids did either :)

3. Chris is working overtime today. This is the proverbial two edged sword. We desperately need the money but I hate missing out on time together. Plus having to deal with all 3 kids all day by myself. I've gotten very spoiled since Sam started school!
Blessing I should see: this is an easy one...the extra $$ - duh!! Oh and I guess the fact that his bosses like his work & need him to help get the job done.

4. It's a gloomy rainy day. I was going to take a walk with the kids & dog today but the gloomy skies are keeping us in. I guess I could drag us all out there & get wet but I can't walk fast enough with them to keep warm.
Blessing I should see: That our snow is melted & we have had weather warm enough to walk in this past week. And that we live in a walking friendly small town where we don't have to stick to the sidewalks. Heck, most of the town does not even have sidewalks!

5. The kids have been either grumpy, whining & fighting or manically running around yelling & screaming. There seems to be no middle ground today, it's one extreme or the other.
Blessing I should see: I have 3 normal, healthy kids.

6. The kids all screamed bloody murder when I announced they were all napping today. I mean, they sounded like I was going to rip off a limb or something, geez!
Blessing I should see: THEY ARE ALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW...AT THE SAME TIME!!!

Things are looking up around here...at least for the next couple of hours...

And the sun just came out, yippee! Maybe we'll get that walk after all.

Have a fabulous weekend everybody :)