Saturday, January 9, 2010

I did it.
I actually survived training & I've got my own window, I can't believe it!
Now for a completely new kind of stress...not screwing up.
(no pressure)
I only helped 4 people cos it was late in the day when I actually got to set up my window but Monday I'll be in the hot seat.
(pray for me please, pray lots & pray hard)
It's pretty fun, I like talking to people & our townsfolk can be very interesting. Even more so because my coworkers have lived here a long time & we all know how small towns are...I'm learning all kinds of good stuff!
But only during lunch.
So we were planning on a quick trip to visit my sister this weekend. Adah & I need haircuts & my sis lives close enough that the cost of driving there is about equivalent to paying someone else to do it. Adah especially likes having her aunt do her hair - Margaret sprinkles glitter in the kids hair when she's done & Adah LOVES it. She totally gets her princess vibe goin' & checks herself out in every mirror in the salon - she's so funny!
Anyhoo, this time we planned on all of us going so the boys could hang out with their uber-cool tween'ish boy cousins (total hero worship goin' on there) & so we could go to church with Great Grandpa K Sunday morning.
Then Eli got a sore throat.
So we amended the plan to a girls trip.
Then Eli developed a magnetic attraction to mommy's lap & mommy's sick-child instincts kicked into high gear.
So we further amended the plan to a day trip Sunday, nixing the visit with Great Grandpa because we don't want to take the chance of making him sick.
Then Eli's eye got all pink & goobery.
The further, further amended plan is to take Eli to the urgent care clinic first thing in the morning (to get him diagnosed with pink-eye which I've had so many times I can diagnose it myself) & then Adah & I will make our trip to get new do's & have some girl-time with auntie M and (hopefully) make it back before dinner.

I wonder what surprise we shall discover in the morning...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

In which my writing skills go out the window...

I ended the day feeling good for the first time in days. I made some headway in my training & I think I may just finish most of it by the end of the week & keep TB happy. That's the plan anyway. (fingers crossed, knocking on wood)

My struggle right now is that I'm so dang tired. Tonight I'm going to bed before the kids, I plan on doing some studying in bed but at least I'll be in the right place. I usually hang out with Chris & watch a show or 2 online after they go to bed but when I do that I end up not getting to sleep until about 11 & that ain't cutting it sleep wise. (you can tell in the writing of this post - usually I take the time to revise it until my thoughts flow better & I have halfway decent sentence structure but tonight I'm so tired I just don't care.)

I'm off to supervise homework now & then straight to bed...nightie night y'all!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Girlfriends spell relief!


Time with the Lord & with my prayer/Bible study group felt soooooo good today! I have not been spending time with God lately & I'm feelin' it - as evidenced by my past week & yesterday's post.

(yeah, I'm a quick one I am.)

I knew this morning that even though we got up late, I needed to get my fanny to church & meet with my group. The sermon was great, as it always is, Pastor Dan is a wonderful Pastor but I could just feel God pushing me to get with the girls, share my heart with them & pray, pray, pray. I am so thankful to have this group of women. Gals I can laugh with, cry with & spill my guts to (in total confidence they will keep all my deep dark secrets) are worth more than their weight, I can tell ya.

I came home from church with a spring in my step, thanks to God & the knowledge that my gals will be uplifting me whenever God brings me to mind.

Unfortunately, my euphoria did not last long. Chris had me sit with him while he checked the grocery sales online & I was attacked with separation anxiety over my former task. As I'm sure you understand, his brain does not work the way mine does & as a result he was not doing it the 'right' way. I almost got a knot in my poor lil tummy watching the train wreck in progress...

Ok so it really wasn't that bad, he's doing fine, but there's a learning curve to finding the best deal & a lot of the household shopping savvy resides in my head, not his. I wanted to give him a list of what is typically better priced at which store but he prefers to figure it out himself. I understand because he'll understand it better that way but I did have to go into the other room for a minute so I could mutter about all my hours of work figuring this out for drama here, nope none at all! (Where does my daughter get that trait? Hmmm...)

Things have been better with the kids today too. I expected to loose my mind during the sermon this morning - the kids are not very good at sitting through the whole thing & there's lots of whining & whispered fighting that gets significantly slightly louder as the time progresses. But I kept my cool & wasn't even very irritated with them. We played a bit when we got home & I had snuggle time with a couple of them so that was good as well.

One of my gal-pals gave me a good idea for a after school/work routine for us - reading (um doy) which is one of my favorite pastimes. Well, more accurately reading my books is one of my favorite pastimes - whenever I start reading one of their books I begin yawning within 2 pages, weather or not I actually like the book & I want to stop immediately. But I think I have discovered some books that will work well for us - I began reading Mrs. Pigglewiggle's farm to them recently & we all love it! Books like Ramona, Pippi Longstocking, Mrs. Pigglewiggle & the like I can get into. They have a story I actually enjoy & the kids are old enough now that it captures their attention too - bonus!! I'll let you know how it goes, although I want to read an installment this evening I think I'll wait until tomorrow & start the week out right.

Happy Monday y'all!!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Sometimes I really should stop & ask for directions.

I am completely overwhelmed.

Work is going well, I'm s.l.o.w.l.y getting through the training but there's a lot of pressure (possibly imagined) to get it all done & it's freaking me out a bit. I have to talk to my boss on Monday about that - I don't know what her time expectation is for me getting through all this stuff. The other gal that's in training with me (and is much younger) is a lot faster than I am & I'm concerned that TB (the boss, a bit of a type-A perfectionist) is impatient with me. But I don't know how much of that is my 40-year-old-been-a-homemaker-for-7-years-intimidated-by-a-19-year-old-mind & how much is reality.

She's really not intimidating, it's more of the stereotype of the old lady can't keep up with the fresh young blood than anything else. I actually quite enjoy working with her, she's very nice & seems quite mature for a 19 year old girl. When she talked of graduating last year I assumed college, she looks a lot older than she is but silly me, it was only HS.

I'm feeling dated despite the fact that TB is a little older than me & the assistant manager is nearing retirement age. (Dangnabbed 19 year olds!)

None of this is what's overwhelming me though. No, that would be my family.

Every day this past week I've gotten overwhelmed by my kids within about 2 minutes of getting home. I assumed that on the weekend I would feel better but so far this is not the case. And this week was not even a normal work week, we had the holiday off!

Chris has been great, he's totally taken on the housework & cooking & the house is cleaner than it would be if I had been the one home. But I'm not sure this is helping me either.

The kitchen has been my domain for years but now I'm finding things in the wrong places & my routines are no longer in place. I kinda feel like a stranger in my own home. Now, I'm the first to admit I'm a tad anal about where the dishes go & things like that. I like things where I like them, what can I say? But when I showed him how I put the bowls away, round bowls in one stack & square bowls in another (completely logical, right?) he said "well you're not putting away the dishes anymore are you."


I've never been a fan of doing the dishes. I've been known, at times, to put them off & end up with a nasty stinky mess in the sink & all over the counter but that was MY job in MY kitchen & I'm not sure I want to give it up! Now Chris is doing the dishes, the menu planning, the shopping & the rest of MY job & I don't like it one bit. (There I said it, harrumph!)

Then there's the kids. Now, I love my kids but those of you who are familiar with my blog know that I've been challenged by them from time to time. (yes I know, the understatement of the year, young as it is...) Everyone assumed (and by everyone I mean Chris, my mom, my sisters & my BFF) that when I got back to work, out in the real world & interacting with adults again, things would get easier for me at home. Hell, I bought into it too but so far it's not been the case! I don't like to leave them in the morning & I'm happy to see them when I get home but I can only handle so much. I like to snuggle quietly with one or two, read books to them & watch them play but if things get loud (as they are 95% of the time) or more than one tries to talk to me at a time (another 95%) I simply can't handle it & they must get away from me NOW before I blow my stack. (and when I say blow I mean Mt St Helen's style.)

I don't want to hurt the kids or make them feel like Mom doesn't like spending time with them but my kids are loud, raucous and always fighting to be the one heard first & I start to panic. All weekend I've been shooing them away from me, trying to do it nicely but a lot of the time they won't listen & I have to raise it up a notch to get movement & they get their feelings hurt.

Then Chris hears me beginning to loose it & comes to my rescue & I feel guilty, or worse, he comes to the kids rescue & I feel resentful & arguing ensues.

Could someone please tell me who I am, how I fit into this dang family & where I can find my sanity? Pretty please??
Header image by sabrinaeras @ Flickr