Thursday, July 5, 2007

Hot Hot Hot

Oh baby it's hot here in Central WA!! My forecast predicted 99 for today but I heard that it got up to 107. Our home is not insulated very well & we don't have AC - it got up to 90 inside. For the most part I like summer but when it gets this hot I'm ready for snow again! One thing I am thankful for though, is that we don't get humidity here. I have visited both Nebraska & Tennessee in the summer and that is another kind of heat entirely. Yuck!

So the last couple of days have been pretty good, despite the weather. Chris had yesterday off & came home for the day. We got up at 5:30 to work in the yard before the heat got bad & then late morning packed up a picnic lunch & went to the lake. Played in the water & hung out on a blanket for about 3 hours, so great to just play & relax together. The kids had a blast in the water. The lake is perfect, cold enough to cool you off but not too cold to stay in for awhile. We got the kids blow up rings to play in, none of them swim yet, & they all figured out how to float (with Chris or I holding an arm.) After we left we got ice cream at the local joint that makes it fresh, & headed home to watch a movie. Had a big salad for dinner & went to bed early. That was the best day I've had in some time.

I got up early again this morning. I like doing that to beat the heat but it is so hard for me to get by butt out of bed. I am a night person that wishes to be a morning person. Once I'm up I like being up early but I just love my bed too much. Got my flower bed weeded so I can re-sow some seeds tomorrow morning. Then when we started loosing the shade in the front yard we went inside and watched movies & read books until nap time. Went to the store & bank later, both in the same building & they have a drop in center to leave the kids for an hour. So I got a magazine & a soda & sat in air conditioned bliss for an hour. Then shopped with the kids & went to good old Mickey D's for dinner. I didn't buy anything at the store that needed to get in the fridge so I let the kids play at 'McDonald's park' for quite awhile. They got to bed way late tonight but they were good & tired from running around and we all cooled off nicely.

So the last 2 days have been pretty good - amazing because earlier this week I was in a very deep pit & was not sure when or how I would get out. I have discovered that part of the problem is that I was coming down with a cold. I think it amplified my depression symptoms a lot. Lately I have been in & out of that same pit so much I'm starting to feel like a yo-yo. For a few days I'm fine & everything is normal & then wham! I have no energy or desire to do anything, & I'm overwhelmed by the kids. When I feel like that, I tend to ignore what the kids are doing & then way overreact when they are getting into something etc. The way I react is to yell & scream & be totally harsh with them. It gets their attention for sure but it also scares them & I feel awful & cry for a long time. It's just this cycle that I can't seem to break. I know I should be seeing a shrink or something but we just don't have the money for that, we can hardly afford my prescription!

I just pray that after we move things will get back to normal for me. The stress of all that has been going on & having Chris gone most of the time is pushing me over the edge. I've been kind of torn in 2 over moving also. I don't want to leave this area, when we moved to our current house we thought that this was where we would raise the kids. I love the area, the town, the people, & our church & it hurts to think we have to leave. But the other side is that I can't leave fast enough - I want to have my hubby back!! I've always had respect for single moms but this experience has given me a glimpse of their lives & I don't like it one bit.

Well I better quit rambling so much & go to bed. I'm going to get up early again although it's not supposed to be quite so hot. Chris will be home by dinnertime for the weekend so I'll have my family back for 2 days. But we always fight on Friday evening. It seems to be an adjustment thing & it's always over something completely stupid. But we get it out of the way & generally have a great weekend after that.

Good night all & God bless you!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Here I am

Hi. My name is Alane & I'm a stay at home mom. I have 3 kids. Sam just turned 5 & my twins, Adah & Eli will be 4 in August. They are just 14 months apart. My hubby, Chris, and I wanted to have our kids close in age but hadn't planned on the 2-for-1 special. They are all wonderful blessings from God but they are also all high energy, emotional, & strong willed.
I am outnumbered.
And my husband is working 3 hours away from home so we only see him on the weekends. And I have depression. I'm on meds & they help but my environment of late is pushing me over the edge.
Thus the blog.
I want to see if posting my daily experiences will keep me from loosing my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids desperately, but I am going to end up in a padded room if I don't get some relief soon. I thought my life was hard before my hubby worked so far away - HA! Then we added part time single parenting & now we are trying to sell the house & I have the pressure of keeping a clean house on top of it.
Are you getting the picture?
So here I am, with all my faults. Please don't judge me, I really am a good Mom most of the time, I'm just in a hard stage of life at the moment. I tend to be sarcastic. I end up putting a funny spin on the daily events of life much of the time. But see through the screen of sarcasm - I am hurting.
I don't know how many people will read this but if you do & you love the Lord please pray for me. And if you let me know how I can do so I would love to pray for you too.
Header image by sabrinaeras @ Flickr