Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I spent approximately 1 hour, 45 minutes grocery shopping with my kids today. I'm sure that's all I'm required to say but I will elaborate (as I'm apt to do) just so you can get the full effect.

We had a marathon trip today, all in the pursuit of saving a buck.

Of course I negated that savings by forgetting my list (and I need my list) and having to drive the 25 miles home & turn right around & drive 25 miles back to Cheney. I just love running in circles, don't you?

So we are finally back in town & I stopped by the first 2 stores to pick up the sale fliers. These stores are relatively small & don't do mailers (which annoys me to no end) so to find the best deals I have to do it this way.

Then we were off & running in Safeway (much to the delight of the kids, who were very sick of their carseats by this time. "Why do we hafta go back mom? "Mom I wanna get out of my seat." "Mom, she's touching me again.")

I have a new rule for grocery shopping which, depending on one's point of view, makes me look like a drill sergeant (minus the swearing) or an overbearing evil mom. (I know this from the looks I got from other moms, the ones with 1 child under walking age were the funniest ones. They just looked scared they'd have to do this someday too - HA!)

Before I started this new thing, my shopping consisted of my kids all doing things they are not supposed to, different things that is, all at the same time. Sam would be wandering on ahead, eventually turning the corner & on his way down the next isle. Adah would be standing on the side of the cart, the front of the cart, 'helping' me push (aka getting in the way & tripping me), or standing in front of the cart impeding my progress. Eli would be dawdling behind, inspecting things on the shelves (preferably in glass jars) & freaking out when I got too far ahead.

Meanwhile I'd be attempting to yell at all of them at once. "Sam come...Adah knock it...Eli put that...Sam I said..." while simultaneously shopping for the best deals. (Mom's head explodes.)

Sound like fun? Yeah, notsomuch.

So now I make them line up behind me & stay there the whole time. This consists of me repeating my orders approximately 1364 times during each hour spent in the store.

Have I mentioned that my throat hurts? (Chocolate ice cream goes a long way in soothing a sore throat. Just in case you are wondering, that is.)

Ok (I know, I know, on with the story already) so to give you a glimpse of my shopping nightmare fun I'll tell you what you would see if you were a fellow shopper doomed to lucky enough to be in the same store as my lovely family.

A mom, looking very grim with 3 kids straggling behind her. This mom occasionally asks in a very gruff tone, "Adah, why are you walking next to me? "Where are you supposed to be walking?" after which Adah would reply "behind you mom." and fall back with her brothers. At other times you might hear, "Sam let go of my shirt." "Sam let go." "NOW SAM!" or, "Eli, stop pushing Sam." "Eli stop touching the pickles." "Eli do not touch anything other than your own body!"

Now repeat this scenario for the next hour & forty five minutes (spanning 3 stores) and you've got the picture. Kind of reminds me of the back of the shampoo bottle I bought today - lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, rep...


By the third store I was beginning to think about alcohol despite the fact I usually drink only once a year on my birthday. (Mexican restaurant+strawberry margarita+birthday=one happy me!)

Hey, maybe some rich TV producer could come up with a reality show that involves grocery shopping with crazy kids & frazzled moms. I'd clean up with that...unless I was competing with BECAUSE I SAID SO that is.

Now I'm home, the kids are in bed & I'm happily blogging while eating a pile of ice cream soothing my throat. was your day?


Sandra said...

Good grief, I'm tired just reading this post LOL

Hope your throat feels better :)

Kate said...

That makes me tired. Very tired.

Phoebe on Friends wrote a song based on the shampoo bottle: "lather, rinse, repeat" and now I have it in my head.

Vanessa said...

GAH! Just reading this post makes me want to hire a babysitter for you. I say ignore the looks and do what you have to save your sanity!

chantal said...

I have to laugh at this. Because I know how you feel. I do the exact same thing with my kids in the grocery store..make them line up behind me. And I do get some looks!! I came accross your blog via scribbit today. Love it.

Rebekah said...

And that is why I stop at the grocery store BEFORE I pick the kids up.

auntie said...

oh my! my mom used to bribe my sister and i with a treat if we were good at the grocery store - if we didn't ask for anything the whole time we were there, we could get a box of those circus animal cookies that come in the little box with pictures of the animals in cages. for some reason, we thought that was the ultimate treat! i always wanted to push the cart, but apparently mom was very fond of having her achilles tendon NOT severed by the front of the shopping cart when i wasn't paying attention. go figure. do you have any grocery stores that deliver in your area? i've done it a couple times (because i'm terribly lazy and i HATE grocery shopping), and even for me it was well worth the $10 fee or whatever it was. if you dont have that in your area...move.

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