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This is an e-mail I sent out to just about everyone I know this evening.
Hi there friends & family!
It's with an elated but heavy heart that I share with you our latest news. We accepted an offer on our house over the weekend, yippeeeee!!! God is just so amazing, I was a teachers helper & worship leader last week for my church's VBS. When I had signed up to help I told them I could do it but depending on the moving thing. Well, we got our offer in the last hour of the last day of VBS, how cool is that! I guess God wanted me there, I had a great (and exausting) time & we had 8 kids come to Christ during the week.
So we are very excited but it's going to be hard to leave all our friends & church family here in Kittitas County. I have loved living here, both in Cle Elum & in Kittitas. Both great towns with nice folks in a beautiful area, this has been our home in every sense of the word for the past 5+ years. It's going to hurt to pull out the roots planted here, transplanting is always hard. But I know God has something great in store for us in our new home, & we will flourish before long.
If you are a believer in Christ, we covet your prayers - that everything will go as God wills it. Specifically, the inspection is Friday Aug 24 @ 10am Pacific time - pray that they don't find any problems & that what they want done is VERY INEXPENSIVE, we don't have any extra $$ right now! Also pray that we can find a house in Spokane asap so we won't be homeless for long :-) How about this, if we come to your mind in any way - pray!
If everything goes as planned, our closing date will be Sept 17
Love & blessings to you,
Alane, Chris & kids
So there you go, now the packing begins...as Bill the cat would say,aaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhh!
So today something happened that made me feel like a complete idiot/looser/bad mom...and on and on.
It was a very busy day.
So normally I have to get up in time to get the kids fed/dressed & Sam off to preschool. Well this week I'm on the worship team & a class helper for VBS at our church which is 30 minutes from Sam's school. Let me add that as of last month, I stayed in bed as long as possible & usually only got up in response to something drastic the kids were doing/getting into. So 5:30 is a major stretch for me! Anyway, we got out the door on time & everyone in their proper places etc. VBS was a blast, can't wait to see my class tomorrow & the twins had fum in their class too. Got Sam picked up & went home to chill out until Sam's occupational therapy appt in mid-afternoon.
The kids were less than thrilled at having to leave the house again. Adah & Eli are not used to this sort of thing, plus they missed nap time today. Not a good plan but nothing I could do about it.
I had some errands to run so I took the time Sam was in working with the therapist to do them. They were quick, run to the dollar store for a couple of things & on to the grocery for 5 more things. It's a small town so everything is close by.
Now, 3 weeks ago when Sam had his first appt, there was a family in the waiting room with us. Their child got called back & the mom said "see you in an hour." Then the family left the office. I thought that was pretty cool, maybe I'll do the same sometime.
So I'm at the checkout counter at the last store (which I debated going to, not sure I'd get back in time), dealing with the twins trying to grab every candy bar in sight when my cell rang. Yes, it was the office, telling me that Sam was done - whoops!!!
So we high-tailed our butts over there (as high-tailed as you can be with 2 almost 4 yo's in tow) to get Sam.
I then got a very nice lecture from the Shellie the therapist that I really can't leave the office, they work with elderly people & it wouldn't be very good if they had an emergency, bla bla bla. Now I don't mean nice in a sarcastic way, she is nice & was nice about it but I could tell she way annoyed with me. I apologised, explained about the family at our first visit, everything was fine & we went on our merry way.
But...
I HATE situations like that! I feel so dumb, & I can't stop playing the conversation over in my mind. Why do I let things bother me like that? It really wasn't that big of a deal, no harm done etc, but I feel like such an idiot & won't feel totally comfortable with her again. I'll always have this in the back of my mind & will wonder what she really thinks of me. Why do I do this to myself? I'd really love to know! I just live in fear (bondage, I know it) that I will come off looking like a fool. Why do I care so much? Everyone does dumb things sometimes. Everyone has moments of stupidity & everyone looks like an idiot sometimes. But it just eats away at me and I can't let it go. Maybe it goes back to when I was a kid & all the 'cool' kids made fun of me. I don't know but I wish I could get past it!
Anyway, I'm just frustrated with myself & the situation right now. I wish I could go back & do it over again! I was just trying to save myself some time & trouble & look what happens - girrr!!
Thankfully we don't have anything in the afternoons for the rest of the week - less opportunities to embarrass myself.
Well my intention was to post nearly every day...yeah, my last post was more than a month ago. Whoops!!
Things are ok in our household. Chris is still working far away. Our house is still on the market - just found out that the average # of days a house is on the market right now is 108 - very depressing!! (But I shall try to have a glass half full & look on the bright side.) Life is still a struggle between my selfishness, my kids & my depression. So life as usual right?
Sam started preschool last week, so that's something new. He loves it! We are trying to get him ready to enter Kindergarten but I'm not so sure he's going to be ready. I have not had the chance - no I'm going to be honest here!! - I have not worked with Sam on learning to write etc. I have tried from time to time but I get frustrated easily & he does not like trying out new skills. So the times I have worked with him, he does not want to try, I get mad, he resists harder, I get madder...you can see where I'm going with this right? The other thing that makes it hard is that I can only work with one of them individually if the other 2 are out of the house or asleep. They just all want in on the action & it becomes a free for all. We were planning on homeschooling but I've decided that my psyche & their behinds wouldn't be able to take it! So off to school we go yo-ho yo-ho.
We do, of course, have a conflict with the school thing. Chris & I are not seeing eye to eye on the subject. He has always wanted to homeschool and is having a hard time giving up on that idea. He hates the thought of preschool - and I agree with him to a point on this- and thinks it's useless. I think I'm seeing the reality that most kids these days go to preschool of some kind and this has changed what kids are expected to know upon entering kindergarten. And that's upped the ante on what they have to learn in that first year of school to move on to 1st grade. Chris (and again, I agree with him on the principle of this) believes that wether or not kids are taught in preschool that the test scores even out by like 3rd grade or so. My issue is that I was labeled the slow kid in school. I was ALWAYS behind & it hurt - bad. I was laughed at & picked on - school was not a plesant experience for me. I want to give my kids a better experience & I don't want to send Sam to school already behind! Chris is more worried about 'holding' Adah & Eli back a year. Which we are not really doing, all the kids are close to the cut off date & could go either way as far as when they start. What I would like to do is put Sam into the headstart program which is a subsidized preschool program in WA for a year & then into Kindergarden. Then we would do the same with the twins so that Sam's younger siblings are not in the same grade as he is.
Pray for us!!
Chris & I have agreed to start counseling after we move. We need to get on the same page on issues such as this & we just can't work it out ourselves. We are both completely pig-headed & stick to our guns so our 'discussions' about school & discipline tend to go in circles & nowhere else. We both agree that we are not in control in our home anymore. Don't know when or how we lost it but it's gone & the kids rule the roost - not good! We both want to get back on track but cannot agree on how to go about it & where to start - so to counseling we will go. Chris was a bit reluctant but I convinced him I'm going to loose my mind soon if we don't get this worked out - they outnumber me & I'm tired of loosing! I think it was Bill Cosby who said "I've seen the enemy and they are small!"
On another note - I lost my mind recently. I'm finding that about once a month (not cycle related) I just can't take it anymore & I completely fly off the handle. It usually consists of a day of yelling at the kids so much that I scare them. Then remorse & a lot of crying. Chris is sooooo good to me during these times! He is there for me, listens to me without judging me or getting mad, and lets me cry & spend a day in our room away from the kids. I usually get pretty mad at God for a few hours. This last time I threw something at the ceiling (hit the wall, bad shot!) I was so mad at Him! That always freaks out Chris - he thinks I'm blaming God for my problems but that't not the case. I'm just mad at everything & because I know that God could 'fix' things He ends up being the ultimate target. When I am in my right mind I know that there is a reason that I'm going through this situation & that God has my best interest at heart. I also know that He can take my little tantrums & He loves me no matter what! Anyway, I'm over it now so life should be sane for the next 2 or 3 weeks.
Thanks for reading!
Alane
