Sometimes I really should stop & ask for directions.

I am completely overwhelmed.

Work is going well, I'm s.l.o.w.l.y getting through the training but there's a lot of pressure (possibly imagined) to get it all done & it's freaking me out a bit. I have to talk to my boss on Monday about that - I don't know what her time expectation is for me getting through all this stuff. The other gal that's in training with me (and is much younger) is a lot faster than I am & I'm concerned that TB (the boss, a bit of a type-A perfectionist) is impatient with me. But I don't know how much of that is my 40-year-old-been-a-homemaker-for-7-years-intimidated-by-a-19-year-old-mind & how much is reality.

She's really not intimidating, it's more of the stereotype of the old lady can't keep up with the fresh young blood than anything else. I actually quite enjoy working with her, she's very nice & seems quite mature for a 19 year old girl. When she talked of graduating last year I assumed college, she looks a lot older than she is but silly me, it was only HS.

I'm feeling dated despite the fact that TB is a little older than me & the assistant manager is nearing retirement age. (Dangnabbed 19 year olds!)

None of this is what's overwhelming me though. No, that would be my family.

Every day this past week I've gotten overwhelmed by my kids within about 2 minutes of getting home. I assumed that on the weekend I would feel better but so far this is not the case. And this week was not even a normal work week, we had the holiday off!

Chris has been great, he's totally taken on the housework & cooking & the house is cleaner than it would be if I had been the one home. But I'm not sure this is helping me either.

The kitchen has been my domain for years but now I'm finding things in the wrong places & my routines are no longer in place. I kinda feel like a stranger in my own home. Now, I'm the first to admit I'm a tad anal about where the dishes go & things like that. I like things where I like them, what can I say? But when I showed him how I put the bowls away, round bowls in one stack & square bowls in another (completely logical, right?) he said "well you're not putting away the dishes anymore are you."

Ouch.

I've never been a fan of doing the dishes. I've been known, at times, to put them off & end up with a nasty stinky mess in the sink & all over the counter but that was MY job in MY kitchen & I'm not sure I want to give it up! Now Chris is doing the dishes, the menu planning, the shopping & the rest of MY job & I don't like it one bit. (There I said it, harrumph!)

Then there's the kids. Now, I love my kids but those of you who are familiar with my blog know that I've been challenged by them from time to time. (yes I know, the understatement of the year, young as it is...) Everyone assumed (and by everyone I mean Chris, my mom, my sisters & my BFF) that when I got back to work, out in the real world & interacting with adults again, things would get easier for me at home. Hell, I bought into it too but so far it's not been the case! I don't like to leave them in the morning & I'm happy to see them when I get home but I can only handle so much. I like to snuggle quietly with one or two, read books to them & watch them play but if things get loud (as they are 95% of the time) or more than one tries to talk to me at a time (another 95%) I simply can't handle it & they must get away from me NOW before I blow my stack. (and when I say blow I mean Mt St Helen's style.)

I don't want to hurt the kids or make them feel like Mom doesn't like spending time with them but my kids are loud, raucous and always fighting to be the one heard first & I start to panic. All weekend I've been shooing them away from me, trying to do it nicely but a lot of the time they won't listen & I have to raise it up a notch to get movement & they get their feelings hurt.

Then Chris hears me beginning to loose it & comes to my rescue & I feel guilty, or worse, he comes to the kids rescue & I feel resentful & arguing ensues.

Could someone please tell me who I am, how I fit into this dang family & where I can find my sanity? Pretty please??

The day after or, plant on momma, plant on.

Hi y'all, didja have a good momma's day?
Me too!

On Friday Sam brought me home a laminated picture of a teacup with a heart & a tea bag stapled to it (thanks to Mrs. L.) On the back it says 'Mom I love you Sam' in his funny lil K-kid printing. I put it up on the wall by my desk instead of the opposite wall where we usually put his masterpieces, and he had this to say about it:

"Mom, I want it over there!"
"Honey, I want it where I can see it, I love my mothers day drawing from you."
"Mom! It's mine, I made it!!"

Hmmmm, don't think he's got the gift concept yet. Oh well, I'm not moving it, it's mine I tell you, MINE!

My darling Chris knew the day was coming but did not pay attention to when it actually was so I got kicked urged strongly out of bed to make everyone breakfast. And I got nothing from the twinnies, who had no idea what the day was.

As soon as Chris figured out what day it was he apologised profusely and had the kids say happy mothers day and give me some X's and O's. Love my little mommy makers :)

After I slapped forgave my hubby, I skipped out to do a solitary grocery trip and enjoyed myself immensely.

Fred Meyer was packed, which normally gives me a headache, but I was determined to have fun. I found a buy 2 get 1 free sale on potted herbs so I got 9 of them. (2 basil, 2 oregano, 2 rosemary, 2 thyme & 1 sage.) I like to dry them myself for use throughout the winter, a good way to save some $$. I gave myself a Cadberry milk chocolate bar, (yum) got a iced coffee and perused the flowers. Got myself some wannabe-Crocks for 40% off - they don't do my feet any favors (I have messed up ankles) but are awesome for gardening - the dirt that gets in them just falls out of the holes so you can walk around in your freshly tilled garden without a care.

I then had to get to my 'real' shopping...groceries. They were having an awesome sale, Foster Farms whole chickens buy 1 get 1 free, store brand food containers 2 for $4, hand-held garden tools buy 2 get 1 free...and many many more. I spent way more than I usually would but stocked up on some great buys. It truly was a nice escape from the usual shopping with kids. I am surprised that I didn't go nuts with all the people there. Note to self: Mothers day weekend is not a good time to shop.

We all hung out together after I hied my fanny home - all in all, a great day was had on mommas day 08.

Now I gotta get that same fanny out to plant my yummy herbs. Well, after I eat my favorite lunch of p'sketti noodles with garlic salt & a heap-0-Parmesan cheese. That and plan an extravagant daddys day to make Chris feel really guilty celebrate Chris.

Happy day after momma's day y'all!

And now for something completely different

I don't know what that title is about, it has nothing to do with what I'm blogging about here. Just a wild hair I guess.

A.N.Y.W.A.Y...

This is something that ticks me off. I'll wait for you to go read the story (if you even need to) & look at the top picture, you need to see it before I go on. You might want to click on that picture to get the full impact.

Does that look like a happy woman? I don't think so! The way I see it that's a clear (insert explative of your choice) #%$&-you look. (Sorry, that's not a very Christian thing to say but I'm going with my raw thoughts here) Now why on earth do they make the wives stand there next to the husband looser that just betrayed her & the entire state (or whatever)? I don't understand why she is expected to 'stand by your man' when clearly she'd rather be shooting darts at his picture or something of that nature. SO WRONG!!!

And what is in this idot's head. How could he think he would get away with it? I heard on All Things Considered yesterday that he virtually caught himself. After 9-11 he insisted that the software program which flags transactions for suspicious activity was made much stronger. It used to flag only transactions over 10,000 but now it looks for patterns of transactions that could be suspicious. He was doing exactly that, transfering the money in 2,000 incriments & got flagged. Ummm, whoops!! (to hear the story click here then click on listen now, it's quite interesting)

Sorry for going off on this but I'm just mad about it. It's not fair that she has to put on her game face & stand next to him when it's nothing but his fault. How embarasing.
PLEASE pray for his wife & kids. I'm sure they are in a huge amount of pain right now. And remember, as I clearly need to, look at the plank in your eye before you bug someone else about their speck (cringe).

Toilets & disposals - urgh!

I needed my man today but alas, he was at work.
He used to be an apartment maintenance tech so he's very handy & can fix just about anything.
Me? Not so much. Actually not at all.
So our dumb toilet got clogged today, not once but twice. Technically this would not be considered a difficult thing to fix, but I have an aversion to anything gross. Not good in this situation which was indeed, very gross. But I sucked it up & fixed said toilet the required 2 times. A very important task as we only have 1 bathroom to serve our household of 5 people.
Then.
I was working on the dishes with the 'help' of the twins. The sink was full to the brim & they love to share the task of fight over rinsing the cups & bowls. We got done with that & Eli was turning the disposal on & off at my direction, when it made a different sound for a second & then stopped altogether. And the sink stopped draining. And started filling with water from the dishwasher.
Uh, oh!
My dishwasher was already running by that time & I couldn't stop it - we needed those dishes to use for lunch & dinner. (Did I mention that the sink had been full?) So I grabbed a plastic bucket & bailed out the sink when it got too full, crossing the house to the bathroom & emptying the icky water into the shower.
Fun.
Mr fixit called to tell me he's on his way home. I told him about the fun awaiting him. He asked me to describe what happened. Then tells me to feel under the disposal. Under it??? Ewwww! I do it and to my surprise it wasn't gross and there was a button that when pushed, presto, made the disposal work again. Mr fixit will put his hand IN the disposal later & clean it out (you will NOT see me doing that, I'm sure some kitchen gremlin will turn it on when my hand is down there) and we'll be good to go again.
From time to time I complain about him but...
Dang, I got me a great man!

Edited to add:
Forgot to mention the saucer my daughter broke in the kitchen.
And my oldest just clogged the toilet. Yes, AGAIN!

The good wife's guide

This is just nuts!


The good wife's guide (Housekeeping monthly May 1955)

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welome needed.


• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.


• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.


• Clear away the clutter. make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.


• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.


• Over the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.


• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacumn. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.


• Be happy to see him.


• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.


• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of comversation are more important than yours.


• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out the dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.


• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.


• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.


• Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.


• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.


• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, sooothing and pleasant voice.


• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always excersise his will with fainess and truthfulness. you have no right to question him.


• A good wife always knows her place.

WHAT???

Ok so a lot of that is good advice & something to strive for. But not so 'Ward' has the perfect kingdom to come home to, it's for the whole family including the wife! I believe wholeheartedly in Godly submission but I don't think it means my husbands "topics of converstation are more important" than mine! Or that I "have no right to question him"! And I know of many men that were contradictory examples of the statement "he is the master of the house and...will always excersise his will with fairness and truthfulness." There is a great difference between a Godly husband & a dominating one!

Geez, soap-box anyone? Didn't mean to go off on that schpeel, I just wanted to share the article cos I though it was funny. I told the friend that sent it to me that I sometimes wish I lived in a simpler time but after reading that, yeaaaaah not so much. Of course, Chris said, "man, I'm living in the wrong era ." HA!

~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, one that seems to be a fixation in my life lately, Adah now has a fever. OMGosh, will it ever end???

We had an appointment today that was rescheduled from last week when I was sick. Yup, had to reschedule it again - they are less than thrilled with me now, but what can ya do? I was also planning to use the drop in clinic at my Dr's office to see why I've been sick for more than 3 years 3 weeks now. I'm just a little tired of the swollen gland that's making it excruciating to swallow & making my ear feel like it's going to explode at any minute. PTL they are open on the weekend cos it looks like that's gonna be my only chance.

Have a great day y'all!