Sacrificial love

A friend sent this to me via email today and God told me to share it with you, it's a truly beautiful story. Break out the Kleenex ladies!


A Father's love...

What a father wouldn't do for his son, with God's divine interference..
A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Iron man together. 'To which, his father said 'Yes' too. For those who don't know, Iron man is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile(3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island. Father and son went on to complete the race together.

A cracked pitcher

Please take the time to visit Angie at Bring The Rain and let her latest post move you as it has me.
God brings us beauty in such surprising ways.

Milestones & memories or Celebrate big time (come on)

On Saturday we had a huge celebration in our home. Well, not really huge, it consisted of Chris, me, the couch & a couple'a movies. We had planned on a much bigger shindig, like going on a train through the Canadian Rockies or just getting away to a B&B for a day or two. But our resources don't allow for any extravagance so we contented ourselves with a cozy night at home, snuggling (a'hem) on the couch.
What, you ask was our reason for celebrating? None other than our first really big marriage milestone...our 10th anniversary!
I can't believe it's been 10 years already, the time goes by so fast! Was it really 10 years ago that we lived in that 430 sq ft apartment in Seattle? That our (now) teenage niece was our cute lil 3 year old flower girl? That we had our first Thanksgiving, Christmas & all those other 'firsts' together?
It's been a great 10 years.
We've weathered a few storms. The miscarriage of our first child. The recovery from an addiction to porn. Chris getting fired (for NO reason, 2 mo after getting a huge raise for doing a great job) and getting through 6 months of no paycheck.
We've had a lot of wonderful times too. Buying our first home. The birth of Sam, our first child. Finding out we were having twins halfway through my second pregnancy (zoinks!)
We've had lots of fights & lots of kisses. Lots of big family celebrations & quiet nights at home. A few vacations & lots of visits.
I have to give some big kudos to my wonderful husband. He is so perfect for me, not always in the ways I want but always in the way God has planned. Chris is so supportive of me, he always brags on me & never talks badly about me to anyone...even when he's mad (oh the guilt - I do it all the time!) He spends lots of time with the kids & steps in when I need him to take over. He is always there for me, loves me no matter what & is 110% committed to our marriage. And the best thing of all? That he always puts God before me. God being the center of our marriage is the reason we are still married after 10 years. And the reason why we will be married for 25, 50 or how ever many years God gives us together.
I love you honey & I'm ready for another 10 years & beyond!
XOXOXXXXX...


By the way, the movies we watched were No Reservations and Elizabeth: The Golden Age both awesome flicks that I recommend.

always have, always will

This song always strikes me when I hear it. I guess I just identify with it so much. Tried to find a video out there in web-land but it's an oldie so I guess I'm outa luck there.

always have, always will - Avalon

Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days we're reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me, when
I wrestle most days
To find ways to do as I please
I always have, I always will
you saved me once, You save me still
My longing heart, Your love alone can fill
You always have, always will
I was born with a wayward heart
Still I live with a restless spirit
My soul is so well worn
You'd think I'd have arrived by now
I'm caught in the trappings of
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough
To last me a lifetime
I still slip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to You
I always have, I always will
you saved me once, You save me still
My longing heart, Your love alone can fill
You always have, always will
I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone
I'm letting you lead me on
All my days...always and forever
Never far...never leave me never
Here I'll stay...ever love me ever
Here's my heart
I'll always love you
I always have, I always will
you saved me once, You save me still
My longing heart, Your love alone can fill
You always have, always will


Like I said I just identify with this. I'm always running back & forth trying to do it on my own & then running back to Him when I fall. And I always fall (lol) and He is ALWAYS there to catch me & set me on my feet again. I do get spanked from time to time. Ok ok, I'll be honest, yes I get spanked often. Are you happy now? Geez!

So do you identify with this song? If so how? Got any stories of getting spanked? I'd love to hear them...maybe you could blog about it & I'll link to you.

I'm all about being honest & admitting when I've screwed up or fallen on my big behind. Lately I have not been getting up to read my bible & pray. Chris & I read a chapter every night & pray before we go to sleep but that's no substitute for time alone in the Word. And guess what? I've been having lots of bad days - go figure! But do I get up the next day? Nope.

Another biggie of mine is not realizing that my kids are a blessing. Easy enough to say but on those bad days (and we have previously established that I've had a few of those) it's very hard to do. Why do I put myself first? Why do I tell them that I'm busy when it would only take a little more time to involve them in whatever I'm doing? Why do they make me so mad when they are just being kids? You can see my pattern.

So...wanna share?

Some words from The Word

This does not usually happen to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night (well that happens often with 3 kids but this was different) with the strong impression that I post this scripture on my blog today.
I tried to ignore it but He's brought the thought back to me many times today so...

Psalm 13
For the director of music. A Psalm of David.
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.

Chris & I came across this in our nightly reading when we were in the midst of many many job troubles & it spoke to my heart. I truly felt like all the world was against us & our troubles would never end. I was working hard at being thankful in all things but was struggling mightily. Trying to find the joy in not having a job...again...was hard. Would we ever get out of poverty? Off of assistance? Be able to pay our bills without asking someone for help? I did not feel like it would ever end.

These verses gave me hope. David was going through the same feelings of hopelessness & despair. He trusted God, rejoiced in His salvation & sang praises to Him, even in the midst of suffering. Just what I was trying to figure out for myself.
Has it gotten better for us? Somewhat. Do I fight those same feelings? Yes. But I know that He has plans for me, plans for me to prosper, for hope and a future. I will call upon Him & seek Him with all my heart & I will find him . (paraphrase of Jeremiah 29:11-14, highly recommended reading!)

I don't know why God asked me to post this today but my prayer is that it will speak to someone that needs it. God is with you always & holds you in His hands if you open the door of your heart to Him. If you have not, please click on the red Ready? button on the upper right of my page. He loves you and wants you, please let Him in - you will never regret it!

The birth of...

It was the morning of June 7th & I was going in for my weekly OB visit. I was 38 weeks & getting pretty uncomfortable, ready for baby to show up a.n.y.t.i.m.e!! The visit was the same old same old. Heartbeat, exam, you know the drill. But then my kooky doc decides to get clever and show baby the exit. Pokes her finger up there & says "baby, here's the exit. Come on baby, be nice to your mom." OUCH!!! Ummm, baby be nice? Hellooo, how about the dang doctor!! I loved that doc but I was a leeetle annoyed with her clever procedure.


Fast forward several hours.


We were having a family dinner that night with both my sisters & their families. Margaret was going to cut my hair before dinner. Mom was making one of my favorite dishes, spinach & cheese manacotti, & I could just start to smell it.


I get up to go get something out of my room & while walking down the hall I suddenly feel...well, kinda wet. And with each step I feel more of it. Hmmm, could it be? No, it couldn't, prolly just a squished bladder thing. There it is again - OH MY GOSH I THINK MY WATER BROKE! Ewwwww, that's kinda gross, now I hafta tell somebody.


I call my doc's nurse & she tells me to meet them at the hospital.


I tell my parents. Mom's excited, Dad's a bit grossed out, no surprise there.


I head for the hospital & call Chris to tell him to meet me there but can't get him on the phone. I call, and call, and call, and call. What the heck is he doing, doesn't he know I need him? Finally I call the office to see if they can find him. He was working on something loud & could not hear the phone. They go get him & tell him to get his butt to the hospital cos, "your wife is in labor!"


Meanwhile I get my room & they give me the latest in hospital fashion to wear. I start to settle in & here comes Chris, practically skidding into the room, convinced I'm going to have the kid before he gets there . "You're in labor? Why didn't you call me sooner?" "No I'm not in labor, my water broke you dope!"


I'm reeeeally hungry at this point. I'd been thinking about that manacotti they were eating in my honor back at the house. So the next time a nurse breezed by I grabbed her, explained about the dinner & asked if I could eat something. I mean, my water broke but I'm not in labor or anything, pleeeease? The nurse has to have like, a conference with 900 other people about it and with only a half hour more of thinking about the food, they tell me I can eat a little bit. Hooray! Get my mom on the phone PRONTO, I'm gonna have me some manacotti!


A nurse checks me & takes a sample to the lab...an hour goes by, waiting for results & eating my yummy dinner (thanks mom!)...yup, amniotic fluid, my water did indeed break.


Years hours later the doc gets there & starts ordering stuff for me. She informs me I'm going to be induced since my water broke. Now, hindsight is 20/20 & I wish that I would have told her I wanted to think about it. But I tend to be intimidated by authority figures like docs etc so I just went with it.


They get me hooked up to all the stuff & give me pitocin. I reacted right away to it and discovered that, YOWZA, I don't like contractions one bit!


I think it was about 7-ish when my contractions started, & they went on in the usual way for a few hours. I take some kind of narcotic to take the edge off the pain but it really doesn't help much, just makes me feel kinda fuzzy. So at about 11 I asked for my epidural, none of that natural stuff for me, thank you very much, I'm a huge wimp & breathing was NOT working anymore. They finally got it in place around midnight & ahhh, sweet relief! I loved my epidural, life was good, I could rest & let my body do it's thing.


Except that my body started doing strange things. Once the epidural was in place my contractions pretty much stopped. They had to give me more & more pitocin to get things going again & I ended up on the highest dose. My contractions came back but were very long & weak, which was the case for the rest of my labor.



Suddenly in the middle of a contraction the nurse slaps an oxygen mask on my face & urgently makes me turn on my left side. She told us that baby's heart rate dropped & I had to to that to give baby the most oxygen possible. This became a frequent occurrence - my family looked pretty worried & got no sleep at all that night. The nurse was reassuring but looked pretty intense every time did it. I was not worried at all which is strange for me. Usually I would completely stress myself out over something like that but I just went with the flow. God knew I needed to be calm & rest as much as possible.



I really wanted to have a vaginal birth but when morning came I started to worry it wouldn't happen. I began to pray during each contraction. God please make something happen. I don't want to deal with a surgery right now, please, please let this baby come the normal way. Please God? But God had other concerns in mind.



In the morning the nurse paged the doctor to find out what she wanted to do. She took f.o.r.e.v.e.r to call back, (I think they paged her multiple times) and finally came in around 9. The nurse was very assuring during the night & nobody ever said c-section to us. But I think she knew that's how it would end up. When my Doc got there she gently told me that it looked like a section was what we would have to do. I cried just a little & asked her if she was sure. She said they would give me a little more time but she didn't think it would help.



I silently talked a bit more with God & told him that I very much did not want to do this. But if a c-section is what's necessary it would be ok. I then told my doc to go ahead with whatever was needed.



They renewed my epidural & got me prepped to go to the OR. When they were wheeling me over, I felt like I was in an episode of the show ER. Get her to the OR - stat!! Laying there with the lights passing by overhead was a very surreal feeling!



In the OR, the doc who really runs the show is the Anesthesiologist. Chris asked the nurse if my family could be with us. She told us he'd have to ask the anesthesiologist & it just depended on his/her preference. I think we were blessed with the coolest one in the hospital cos when we asked him he said it was fine & not only that, but they could video as well. That was way beyond our expectations, we were just hoping they could get in the room! So they suited up in the hallway to wait until the OR folks had me all ready to go.



Once they were in the room things happened rather quickly. I couldn't feel a thing & it was just like they told us in pre-natal classes, lots of tugging and pulling. (My dad said later that he couldn't believe how hard they pull on the baby to get it out.) The anesthesiologist gave me a running commentary of what they were doing & told me everything looked great etc. I asked to have oxygen, my epidural was too good & I couldn't feel my chest. I felt like I had an elephant sitting on me! He told me I didn't need it but since it made me feel better he gave it to me. He was such a good doc!



Mort tugging & pulling - my anesthesiologist told me they were almost through my uterus. Then came the big moment, baby was out and Chris announced...



Samuel John is here!

























We found out that God was watching over this little guy big time. His placenta was only working at 25%. That's why his heart rate dropped during those contractions - they were cutting off his oxygen to some degree. Had he been born vaginally, he very likely could have had brain damage or died. God knew the perfect way for this guy to arrive, even if it was not what I wanted. Oh, He is such a good God isn't he?