Dumb de dumb dumb

So today something happened that made me feel like a complete idiot/looser/bad mom...and on and on.

It was a very busy day.

So normally I have to get up in time to get the kids fed/dressed & Sam off to preschool. Well this week I'm on the worship team & a class helper for VBS at our church which is 30 minutes from Sam's school. Let me add that as of last month, I stayed in bed as long as possible & usually only got up in response to something drastic the kids were doing/getting into. So 5:30 is a major stretch for me! Anyway, we got out the door on time & everyone in their proper places etc. VBS was a blast, can't wait to see my class tomorrow & the twins had fum in their class too. Got Sam picked up & went home to chill out until Sam's occupational therapy appt in mid-afternoon.

The kids were less than thrilled at having to leave the house again. Adah & Eli are not used to this sort of thing, plus they missed nap time today. Not a good plan but nothing I could do about it.

I had some errands to run so I took the time Sam was in working with the therapist to do them. They were quick, run to the dollar store for a couple of things & on to the grocery for 5 more things. It's a small town so everything is close by.

Now, 3 weeks ago when Sam had his first appt, there was a family in the waiting room with us. Their child got called back & the mom said "see you in an hour." Then the family left the office. I thought that was pretty cool, maybe I'll do the same sometime.

So I'm at the checkout counter at the last store (which I debated going to, not sure I'd get back in time), dealing with the twins trying to grab every candy bar in sight when my cell rang. Yes, it was the office, telling me that Sam was done - whoops!!!

So we high-tailed our butts over there (as high-tailed as you can be with 2 almost 4 yo's in tow) to get Sam.

I then got a very nice lecture from the Shellie the therapist that I really can't leave the office, they work with elderly people & it wouldn't be very good if they had an emergency, bla bla bla. Now I don't mean nice in a sarcastic way, she is nice & was nice about it but I could tell she way annoyed with me. I apologised, explained about the family at our first visit, everything was fine & we went on our merry way.

But...

I HATE situations like that! I feel so dumb, & I can't stop playing the conversation over in my mind. Why do I let things bother me like that? It really wasn't that big of a deal, no harm done etc, but I feel like such an idiot & won't feel totally comfortable with her again. I'll always have this in the back of my mind & will wonder what she really thinks of me. Why do I do this to myself? I'd really love to know! I just live in fear (bondage, I know it) that I will come off looking like a fool. Why do I care so much? Everyone does dumb things sometimes. Everyone has moments of stupidity & everyone looks like an idiot sometimes. But it just eats away at me and I can't let it go. Maybe it goes back to when I was a kid & all the 'cool' kids made fun of me. I don't know but I wish I could get past it!

Anyway, I'm just frustrated with myself & the situation right now. I wish I could go back & do it over again! I was just trying to save myself some time & trouble & look what happens - girrr!!

Thankfully we don't have anything in the afternoons for the rest of the week - less opportunities to embarrass myself.